#902 Happiness: being happy (contributed by Bekah)

… I thought I knew what happiness was…

Source: graciousbridal.com

The best days of my life were when I had my kids, but looking back now, I could have been happier.

I’ve battled with depression for most of my life. I’ve always had this weight inside of me bringing me down, making me not want to do anything but lie down and cry and put myself in a dark place. It was becoming difficult to keep a smile on my face and to even be happy about anything.

In high school, I had thought about suicide several times, but never attempted. I even used to carve in my hand with a needle.
As an adult, I’d have these thoughts while I was driving about crashing my car. I’d even contemplated leaving my husband. Everything always seemed worse than they really were and I felt out of control of my own emotions.

A couple weeks ago, I finally got tired of trying to deal with it myself and went to see a doctor. He put me on medication for major depression. Let me tell you, I am a whole new person. I am seeing everything in a different light with new eyes and a lighter heart.

I no longer feel that weight. I am happy, I am joyous, I am smiling!!!
Not having that darkness inside of me is weird. It’s been a part of me for so long, but I’m enjoying not having it and I’m enjoying this new me.
My stress level is down.
My anger is down.
My sadness is almost non-existent.
I haven’t even cried one time since I began.

Yes, I’ve been happy before, but it never really lasted long. I seemed to always find something wrong with the situation and it would bring me down. I don’t do that anymore.

Being happy, without paranoia, without little thoughts of sadness, without memories sneaking up making a good time turn bad, without the darkness… just pure happiness that keeps a smile on your face is nothing short of AWESOME!!!

~ Contributed by Bekah

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About Lizzie|1000 Awesome Friends

Lizzie is the lover of little things & has been described as zany, odd & "weird but in a good way" (whatever that means). She also finds talking about herself in 3rd person awkward. Liz enjoys most things revolving around the genres of fantasy & sci-fi & likes blogging, literature, writing, singing, music, culture & people. Lizzie is currently sharing the admin role with Nicholas for 1000 Awesome Friends , stemmed from Neil Pasricha's 1000 Awesome Things, to keep the awesomeness going. She welcomes all living beings to contribute their awesome thing/experience - she'd love to read them & keep the awesomeness going!

9 thoughts on “#902 Happiness: being happy (contributed by Bekah)

  1. Hi Bekah,

    Absolutely wonderful post. Thank you for being so honest, much respect to you my girly friend! I hope your journey through conquering depression is a successful one. You are an amazing woman and you deserve to be happy.

    I read something recently while searching for a photo for your post… You know the expression “(blah) is the key to happiness” ? Well, this photo read “happiness is the key”… Interesting idea.. 🙂

    Love and hugs chicky babes!

    • Happiness really is the key! Its nice, this new world that I’m living in. I knew I WANTED to be happy and I really did try, but I just wasn’t strong enough anymore.

  2. I admire your strength and courage in sharing this post. Honesty and humility helps liberate others to share their own experience, strength and hope. You’re very fortunate to have found “the one” for you; that you responded to that quickly! I’ve known several people who have not been so lucky. I’m happy that you feel happy and light-hearted, Bekah. I truly am!!!
    Tho I’m no expert, I’ve studied the topic at length. It’s said, especially the north american culture has been built on “the land of freedom, hopes and dreams” and that we’d better be grateful to our fore-father’s who left their home-lands to help build this for us! And happy if we were born here or get to live here and that happiness is the only key. The pressures and expectations of so many people here is the smile and happiness. If you’re not posing this you might make somebody else uncomfortable. Heaven forbid, you might look ungrateful! Well, much of this was built on stolen land,dreams, lives and a culture of true spirituality and naturalism. This is part of the discombobuulation; only a glimpse at some of the sadnes… especially for the sensitives. There’s survival of the fittest, the all mighty dollar, consumerism, broken families, struggles to survive in these counties with such high costs of living. Many people who cannot make ends meet and suffer with worries and high stress because thay can’t afford fuel to get to the job that barely makes ends meet!
    Anyway, there are layers to happiness and happiness doesn’t only wear a smile.
    We were given all of our feeling’s to feel. We are not supposed to be “just” happy all the time.
    I’m not condoning depression, injuring self or others either here. Truth and love will set us free. To be or not to-be is part of where it’s at: not to-be is where ego and the facade lives, where as to-be, is to live, to thrive, to-be…to-be holds abilty to see, to heal, to know truth; acceptance of self and all emotions as part of the process and a compassionate conspiracy of the shared heart of others. To heal the root cause of our own helps the cultural pain so that we know and truly feel all our feeling’s, wrapped up in some heart-felt joy which gives peace on earth a chance.
    Today, I am VERY happy for your happiness, Bekah! May this liberate you to open the other doors to true inner peace, joy and pure divine love. xo’s

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