… I thought I knew what happiness was…
The best days of my life were when I had my kids, but looking back now, I could have been happier.
I’ve battled with depression for most of my life. I’ve always had this weight inside of me bringing me down, making me not want to do anything but lie down and cry and put myself in a dark place. It was becoming difficult to keep a smile on my face and to even be happy about anything.
In high school, I had thought about suicide several times, but never attempted. I even used to carve in my hand with a needle.
As an adult, I’d have these thoughts while I was driving about crashing my car. I’d even contemplated leaving my husband. Everything always seemed worse than they really were and I felt out of control of my own emotions.
A couple weeks ago, I finally got tired of trying to deal with it myself and went to see a doctor. He put me on medication for major depression. Let me tell you, I am a whole new person. I am seeing everything in a different light with new eyes and a lighter heart.
I no longer feel that weight. I am happy, I am joyous, I am smiling!!!
Not having that darkness inside of me is weird. It’s been a part of me for so long, but I’m enjoying not having it and I’m enjoying this new me.
My stress level is down.
My anger is down.
My sadness is almost non-existent.
I haven’t even cried one time since I began.
Yes, I’ve been happy before, but it never really lasted long. I seemed to always find something wrong with the situation and it would bring me down. I don’t do that anymore.
Being happy, without paranoia, without little thoughts of sadness, without memories sneaking up making a good time turn bad, without the darkness… just pure happiness that keeps a smile on your face is nothing short of AWESOME!!!
~ Contributed by Bekah